Absolutely Fabulous (series 3)

Eddy and Patsy plan a fabulous New Years Eve party, but their plans are ruined when Patsy's long-lost sister Jackie pays a call while they are preparing to go out. Jackie is an older, crueller version of Patsy, and soon everyone dislikes her except Patsy, who is starstruck by her wickedness. Patsy insists on taking her sister to the party; Jackie, however, seems reluctant to leave the house, and she asks for food and claims to be too tired to go out. Worse is to come: Jackie then confides that she is homeless and wants to stay with Eddy for a few months until she can raise money for a shelter for unwanted cats and dogs. Patsy, appalled, helps Jackie loot Edina's bedroom to raise the necessary funds but then decides to throw her out the house. She then goes to collect Edina and head for the party, but it's too late. For the first time in her adult life, Eddy faces the supreme humiliation of seeing in the New Year surrounded by her family in the sitting room.

A discussion on enlarging Edina's bedroom leads to a rare visit inside Serge's bedroom. While looking around, Saffron discovers a porn magazine and tries to throw it away, but Edina and Patsy prevent her. Patsy then begins reminiscing about sex in their youth, but Eddy can't remember it, even though Patsy assures her she was there. It turns out Edina isn't sexually active and plans are made to hire male prostitutes via Edina's hairdresser Christopher for an old-fashioned orgy, which is scheduled for the same night as Saffron's "Genetics and Ethics" presentation at her university. The orgy doesn't start off well; Edina can't seem to get in the mood, and the prostitutes are none too enthusiastic either. When Patsy tries to liven things up by popping in a porn film she has brought, it turns out to be Saffron's genetics video. Fearing the worst, Edina and Patsy, accompanied by Gran, Christopher, and his drag-queen boyfriend, rush off to the university, but it is too late: to Saffron's mortification the porn video – is a home movie of one of the orgies Patsy remembers but Edina has forgotten. As everyone watches, the camera shows couples love making and a young Edina asleep in a corner.

Edina is hell-bent on winning a PR award to the point that she hires Will Self to write her acceptance speech and clashes with arch-rival Claudia Bing for the best position in proximity to the stage. It goes pear shaped; despite Edina bribing the judges Claudia wins, and Edina and Patsy head home in anger. Saffron and Gerard, one of her professors, fall in love and start to flirt in the kitchen. Edina decides she wants to come up with a campaign that will out-do Claudia's. Saffron finds out that Gerard is married with children. Edina hears about this and, in a rare defence of her daughter's honour, punches him in the face. At a PR meeting, Edina's speech is stolen, so she launches into her own diatribe that proves to be quite successful. Edina and Patsy go to a dump to find the speech, but end up on a trash barge headed for Ostend.

Saffron has moved out of the house and into university housing, leaving a despondent Edina home alone. Meanwhile, Patsy learns that Ella magazine has folded, and Magda suggests that she goes with her to work in New York. Edina and Patsy commiserate drunkenly with each other on the sudden changes in their lives. Saffron returns and is appalled at their behaviour. Edina announces that she plans to sell the house and "find herself", which irritates Saffron. Edina's plans also mean that she's cutting off Patsy, which prompts her to take the job in New York, thereby putting their relationship on hiatus.

Edina embarks on finding herself, only to realise that it's well below her expectations. Patsy finds herself lost, lonely and out of depth in New York. Saffron settles into university life and Gran spends her days at the Monsoon house, drinking champagne and watching home-shopping television. Edina and Patsy realise that their lives are nothing without each other, and reunite on top of Carnegie Hall Tower. They return home to find that Gran has been arrested for squatting and Saffron loses her temper because of their unpleasant behaviour. The episode ends with a flash-forward to Edina and Patsy, 25 years older but not much wiser.

Edina's morning ritual is swimming with a dolphin that she has in a tank in her room. They are off to Val-d'Isère that afternoon, so Patsy and Edina spend the morning at the gym and the office, while listening to an interview of Edina recorded for Radio 4, Desert Island Discs. Meanwhile, Paolo, Saffy's Italian boyfriend, proposes marriage. Patsy and Edina arrive at the Alps, but it is not what they expected as there are no celebrities and no night clubs for them to enjoy. After dinner at a local restaurant, Patsy and Edina are back in the apart-hotel where they both argue because of how they have always been together in the present life and the previous ones. In a rage they start destroying the apartment, which they soon after start to enjoy. The next morning, Edina and Patsy go skiing, but Edina gets lost and almost falls off a cliff. She "dreams" of going to heaven, but God tells her it is not her time yet. Meanwhile, in London, Mrs Monsoon returns home after spending the day at the airport where she had gone to meet arriving friends. However, she explains that she got into a plane that didn't take off, she got registered, and her suitcase was blown up. She had met a woman dressed as an Arab who brings her home: it happens to be Bo.

Patsy and Edina return from Val-d'Isère to find Mrs Monsoon's mad American friends have moved into her house. Edina lies in bed for three days claiming to have stigmatas, that she paints on herself with lipstick. Saffron, busy preparing the wedding, argues over Edina's claims of being Jesus Christ. When Edina realises that Paolo's parents are rich, she finally shows enthusiasm for the upcoming celebration. Saffy remains smitten with Paolo who doesn't appear to be impressed with her. Paolo's parents come to visit and the mother decides that Saffron is not good enough, but Patsy makes her change her mind, blackmailing her with their past as "actresses" in a pornographic "Bond" movie (actually Bond Meets Black Emanuelle). Edina chooses St Columba's in Knightsbridge for the ceremony and takes Saffy to Christian Lacroix who designs the wedding dress. The wedding ceremony commences. Eddy pushes Saffy's bridesmaid Sarah away and replaces her with "the Gucci girl." When the minister asks if there are any objections, Edina sees God again, who stands by the minister and shakes her head to the marriage. Eddy disrupts the ceremony and Paolo calmly leaves with the Gucci girl. Later Patsy and Eddy tell Saffy that they are going on her honeymoon trip.