Sports or Consequences

Sports or Consequences was a daily phone-in sports quiz show hosted by Gary Burbank and broadcast on WLW Radio in Cincinnati, having taken its name from Ralph Edwards' radio/TV show Truth or Consequences. The show ended its run when Burbank retired in December 2007.

The show consisted of listeners calling in to ask sports-related trivia questions in an attempt to stump the panel of "Sufficianados", as Burbank referred to them. If a caller succeed in stumping the panel they won a prize, but on far more frequent occasions, when Burbank or the Sufficianados got the question right (and after the caller admitted "you guys don't mess around"), they would shout their trademark victory chant: "WE don't, WE don't, WE don't mess around, HEY!".

The show ran weekday afternoons from 4:05 to 4:30pm except on Wednesdays, when the show ran until 5pm. On occasion, Burbank would spin a wheel to choose an alternate topic or two that can be asked in addition to the usual sports trivia. In later years, the show would allow "emergency questions", which could be essentially any topic, though what questions were allowed was still left to the discretion of Burbank and the Sufficianados. At the end of each show, Duke Sinatra, one of the co-hosts, would choose a question deemed intriguing or insightful. This question, whether the Sufficianados got the answer right or not, was selected 'Best Question of the Day' and was awarded a prize.

Rules

The rules were numerous and complex, and were often changed at the whim of the hosts. If any rule was violated, one of two things happened:

• The caller would get "blown up" (a sound bite of an explosion would play), followed by a voice saying "Sounds like a big 'splosion", or
• The caller would get their tongue pulled out (another sound bite), which sounds like it says.

The rules included, but were definitely not limited to the following:

• In order to ask a question about something that happened prior to the year 1927, the caller would request to "go to the mountain". If asked politely, the question was allowed.
• Questions on boxing were limited to pre-Larry Holmes.
• High school sports questions were prohibited
• Two-part questions were prohibited
• The only outside source that a caller could use was their grandfather telling them the information while they are drunk in a bar. However, callers became creative enough to sneak in sources such as newspapers and books as long as the above requirement is fulfilled.
• Questions that could be answered with 'yes' or 'no' were shunned, as the hosts always try to avoid giving a legitimate answer. For example, instead of saying 'Would you name for me...', callers must say 'Name for me...'
• First-time callers were also forbidden. Any caller disclosing their first-time status before asking their question was immediately "blown up". However, second-time callers, if they revealed they got a question through without revealing they were a first-timer, would receive a "polite round of applause".
• Younger listeners were allowed to call in questions, though they were also subject to game rules; when said caller was revealed to be a youngster, Burbank and Sinatra (and whomever else happened to be in the studio at the time), would all chime in saying "Cute Kid!"

References